FORGIVENESS

I was hurt.

I had a choice.

To forgive or not to forgive.

I decided that I would like to forgive.

But then I could not forget.

During quiet moments thoughts of the incident hounded me.

Under-feelings of some hurt was gnawing at me.

This was not doing me any good towards my desire to heal my wounds.

I think I have not forgiven the person in reality, though I do care for the person dearly.

I decided to internalize to find answers within me and end this unsettled emotions and wish to get on.

Recently I stumbled upon this beautiful article on forgiveness that has helped me close this recent chapter of mine. I think (and hope..ha ha) that I have learnt to forgive completely and am able to get on with my life with inner peace.

I wish to share this beautiful write up on forgiveness that has helped me come to terms with my hurt.

I wish it will help those who have gone through some deep hurt too.



Here it is:

Forgiveness....What's It For?

"In this life. . . we are unable to forget whatever remains unforgiven. So, if we won't let go of some pain - whose time has now past - then who is to blame for the weight of this burden still being carried on our back?"

Guy Finley

Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.

There is no future in the past. You can never live in the present and create a new and exciting future for yourself and your love partner if you always stay stuck in the past.

Begin again!

It is truly impossible to start new and to make clear, healthy, life giving choices until we have let go of past hurts, confusion and resentments. Old wounds have a drawing power and pull our attention to them over and over, taking energy and hope from us, preventing us from starting again. Old wounds raise fearful spectres of the same thing happening again in the future. For this reason it is so important to spend time understanding the true nature of forgiveness, and what it really entails.

To forgive means to "give up", to let go.

It also means to restore oneself to basic goodness and health. When we forgive, we are willing to give up resentment, revenge and obsession. We are willing to restore faith not only in ourselves, but in life itself. The inability or unwillingness to do this, causes harm in the one who is holding onto the anger.

"The only upside of anger is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they are not afraid of the journey. Someone that knows that the truth, is at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and sits and in it's wake leaves a new chance of acceptance and the promise of calm."

From the movie, "The Upside of Anger" starring
Kevin Coster and Joan Allen

If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself.

You CAN let go. . . and forgive! It takes no strength to let go. . . only courage. Life either expands or contracts in direct proportion to your courage to forgive. Your choice to forgive or not to forgive either moves you closer to what you desire or further away from it. There is no middle ground. Change is constant.

Want peace of mind? Forgive.

The same energy you use to hold on (to not forgive), is the same energy you need to create a new and exciting relationship TOGETHER; a relationship anchored in unconditional love.

Forgiveness is the most important single process that brings peace to our soul and harmony to our life.

However, living from resentment takes so much effort. All the toxic feelings of hatred and resentment stay bottled up inside with the result that we become bitter, angry, unhappy and frustrated. And so, living from forgiveness becomes a necessity. Not that this is easy; it isn't. But we cannot keep ourselves in the flow of good if we hold another in unforgiveness.

Forgiveness helps you move forward. No one benefits from forgiveness more than the one who forgives!

Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. The very word forgiveness is built on the root word give. Forgiveness releases your partner from your criticism and also releases you from being imprisoned by your own negative judgments.

Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else takes moral courage. Forgiveness means choosing to let go, move on, and favor the positive. It ends the illusion of separation, and the power of forgiveness can change misery into happiness in an instant.

There are some dynamic sayings that I hold on to now:
.
The only way to freedom and happiness is forgiveness

Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes, or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship

You know you have forgiven someone when he or she has harmless passage through your mind.

On this note I would like to wish all of my lovely and loyal friends here:

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDIL FITRI
MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

www.marriagematters.ireland.anglican.org

The Special Night

Our Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said, "Whoever establishes the prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping to attain Allah's rewards (not to show off) then all his past sins will be forgiven."
AbuHurayrah
SAHIH AL-BUKHARI
1.34
www.e-bacaan.com/artikel_lailatulqadar.htm




Since I was a little girl I have been looking for the special night of Lailatul Qadar. (You know the tell tale signs told to us of trees bowing, water turning into ice, heavy rain, fog and a host of other effects and signs).

Not late years, I have stopped.

You’d be wondering why, indeed.

Late years I have started to read in between the lines more so than ever.

(what I write here is a personal take, and by no means I am an expert on such a serious topic).

Reading the above hadith:

‘whoever establishes the prayers on the night of Qadr..’, this is the easy bit (Hmm..easy as in any physical skill that, once learnt it can be done, like swimming, squash, sewing).

‘..out of SINCERE faith..’, this is the hard bit (this is the intangible spiritual bit).

To be sincere, no matter any which way you look at it, it is HARD!

Being sincere, to me is the highest test on any human.

Perhaps the ONLY TEST!

As to be sincere involves great sacrifices.

The last thing God wants of us, is for us to want to do anything, just for the sake of scoring points.

HE wants us to do it out of our sincerity.

Let’s change the approach.

Let's get into the mind of a sincere person.

Now if one were sincere, without a doubt one would embrace humility. With humility, whatever good that one did, one would always feel that one could have done better. So one would endeavour to strive better and better and never for a moment thought one would deserve the descent of Lalilatul Qadar upon oneself, until one felt that one has done one's best.

With humility, one would always feel one has not done one's best and would continue striving in a never ending circle, so when can one ever for a moment expect Qadr to happen to one? One simply does not. Since one has such a thought, one would only busy oneself in discharging one's duties as best one could and leave the granting of rewards to HIM from above.

One would not dwell on how many points one made today, and therefore how many points one made for the week and the year. After all, how many points do we need to get the ticket to heaven? No one knows? Did we indeed get the points in any case? No one knows! So why dwell in an area of uncertainty anyway?

In any case if a deed was required of one, and being the sincere person, one would just discharge it:

without a thought as to what the reward might be
without worrying what are one's losses
without hesitation
without judgement
without expectation of reciprocal

..but foremost..with sincere thoughts of alleviating a fellow human of his predicament


This is the whole point.

One should just render help, the best one can, as and when help is needed. Just do it out of sincerity! (Did I just hear someone frowned, 'Ooh! That's hard!' Well, it is, my dear. That's why we are faced with all the problems in this world).

Another point, being the sincere person that one is, even say Lailatul Qadar did descend on one, would one tell?

One would perhaps not tell, for one fear of the possibility of embracing Ria’ (embracing useless pride, remember...(not to show off), second part of hadith above).

Well these are the reasons, I have stopped wondering when Lailatul Qadar would come my way as, first and foremost, I have to come to terms with issues of SINCERITY and not worry about the issues of scoring points.

The fact that our Prophet (peace_be_upon_him), did not remember which particular night Lailatul Qadr would happen, reading in between the lines, it is surely then, about us being true, being real and most of all being sincere on all nights perhaps?

Sincerity and the special night of Lalilatul Qadar come hand in hand, I would think. (Ooh! That is truly hard).

Well, this is my personal thought, and I do admit I am not an authority at all here, and even as I write, I am aware the issue of sincerity is the most trying of all.

As I said before, the physical part of the ritual (first part of above hadith) is the easy bit, but the spiritual aspect of any ritual (the second part of above hadith) is the real test, indeed.

I am myself wrestling with this spiritual issue of being sincere all the time.

Have a good rest of Ramadan, my dearest ones.



www.trance-action.com

WISHING EVERYBODY

RAMADHAN MUBARAK

The-Good-the-Bad-the-Ugly

I wrote this to my school gang and wish to share with my bloggers gang here too.

I received regular forwards daily about all the unrest in this world, here, there and everywhere, especially about the so-called-religious wars that are so rife today. I noticed the availability of real good values amongst people in general, diminishes with the rise of these 'religious' wars! (Resulting in much sorrow and ugliness all around the world). Puzzling indeed! What contradictions!

The only way for me to survive each day these days, is by hanging on to this phrase, 'the-good-the-bad-the-ugly'. This is an age-old coinage, but holds great meaning to me, only of late, over recent incidents (both personal and non-personal)! This phrase brings me down to earth. It wakes me-up from daydreaming. It shakes me-up to reality! I helps me to accept, that we are not in a perfect world.

Everything so far, to me, comes in this kind of package. 'The-good-the-bad-the-ugly' package.

Let's internalise, when it comes to our loved-ones...it is the same. Are they perfect? Speaking for myself, my answer is a no! But when I need to forgive anyone that I love, I have to refer to this, ''Forget the-bad-the-ugly! Focus on 'the-good''.

Another example, when it comes to friends, no matter how close they are to you, isn't the situation the same here? You can only be good/close friends for years and years, on the basis of ''Forget the-bad-the-ugly! Focus on 'the-good''.

Similarly with acquaintances! I realised, we can only morph, into being close friends, by embracing this concept of 'the good the bad the ugly'. I'm sure, we have our own early experiences, (maybe even now, we do forget sometimes to embrace what we know of life. Sigh!) that we never make it to be 'close' friends with a lot of our acquaintances, when we expect perfection from them. How can anyone be prefect? Tell me, if there are secret theories to life about this!

On an extreme front, (where most of us have gone through, if not, will soon...ha ha ha), the romantic front! That is why people say 'Love is blind!!' Get it! You can only fall in love, without expecting perfection from the other party. And of course vise-versa. Or it is a no-go. Period! 'Love is blind' is the concept that I'm rambling on this morning, that has kinship to the ''Forget the bad the ugly.' Focus on 'the good''...Similar to the concept of understanding that life is about 'the good the bad the ugly'.

There can never be peace on this earth, till every single person understands this concept. There will be fights, even, between lovers, there will be cold wars within the families, there will be civil wars within countries and there will be ugly-violent global wars, without this understanding. To not understand this, makes us cry for perfection, makes us insist for perfection. This is futile! This will never be. A complete waste of time indeed!

It is when we embrace these concepts, (similar but coined diferently), that 'life is not perfect', that 'Love is blind', that we should ''Forget the bad the ugly! Focus on 'the good'', that life is made of three, 'the good the bad the ugly', and come to terms with these...then...Voila! life starts to be perfect!

Isn't it strange? Isn't it such a contradiction?...

That life can be PERFECT when we accept that life is IMPERFECT??

(Must pass on this message to warring parties!!) Food for thought....


profile.myspace.com

Think with an open mind

I have been receiving too many forwards of late asking us to boycott products from a certain country or from some manufacturing giants. I prefer to keep it general and let's just dwell on the concept of boycotting.




I dunno. I am not convinced we will win by going this route. Why do I say that?

Firstly, it can only work if everyone did it. It is a guarantee that not everyone will do it in tandem!!

Secondly, if we were boycotting products from some giants, the mere fact that we regarded them as giants, this itself will give us clues that these giants will not take such actions (boycott I mean) lying down. Surely they are smarter or else they were not giants in the first place. You see, they can divert manufacturing plants to elsewhere. Boy! They do have the means. So instead of saying made in somewhere, then they can label the same products as made in elsewhere. They'd change the name too and we didnt know about it and we merrily bought these products while boycotting some others..makes me look silly really.

Thirdly, we go happily boycotting say something like McD (just serving as an example of a service related giant). What good is that? Don't we realise, that all the workers are locals? These workers need their jobs for livelihood. You boycott, and they lose their jobs. Dont we realise some of the products are produced locally as well, thus giving livelihood to the other local folks too. What about the franchise owner? He/she is a local too!

Fourthly, if we were to boycott products from one particular country or a particular manufacturing giant, boy! are you sure you got it right? When the country or the manufacturer is huge, don't you think it could almost be about everything that we should boycott? How do we know a local manufacturing plant did not buy some parts to manufacture their products from that country or from somewhere related to the intended giant manufacturer (we wish to boycott?) eh? Should we then boycott that local produce of ours?

I mean these are the things that are going on in my head when I received all these mails and news about boycotting. I think if I went this route, I will only be hampered with paralysis. Every shopping trip I make I will be seriously stressed out with all the 'was-was' (harassed with uncertainty) as to what should be boycotted and what should not, there will be no space in my head to think of more dynamic issues, (such as which funny movie I need to see this week to unwind?). At worse, I will find myself faced with the scenario of a huge lack of choice. Boy! That is so depressing and defeating, indeed. We merely make our life less dynamic and more difficult, therefore just adding undue stress.

Believe me the intended leader will not be un-seated by our acts of boycott. I bet he's a bit beyond this!

Think, what would happen if the country we boycotted turned around and reciprocated and boycott us too? We being small, I think our economy will suffer. Two can play the game.

We must look at issues in a more global and dynamic way. It is imperative that we think with an open mind. We must find solutions that at the same time allow us to move forward better and most importantly, allow us to think better too.

But hey, this is my personal take on this issue. There are many ways to look at it within your own context.


mcdonalds.hu

Just get REAL

It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love because of your pride.



You win multifold, when you lose your pride with someone you love. Your life will be filled with magic.

But when you'd rather be ruled by your pride, your life will be filled with regrets, endless regrets. You lose multifold, too.

Sometimes, I do not understand why this happens time and again between people s-o-o in LOVE, I mean losing someone you love because of mere pride.

I have seen relationships crumbled by sheer emotions of pride getting in the way. I don't understand why do we allow our pride to get the better of us sometimes. There are exceptions of course, as there are some people in love who embrace humility and utter wisdom. Really that should be the way to go.


Some people say, 'There is no RULE in LOVE'.

Lemme think about this...hmm...

Maybe...after all there are many ways to look at life, at love, at anything.

But not just now, with me. That don't sound quite right, babeh! Not just now. To me, 'There is RULE in LOVE' (My very personal view, my take on being in love).

A golden rule!

You wanna know? Sure, I'll tell ya...

When you are in love...




'Just get REAL'.





Personally, I want my man to be as REAL as he can. Yeah! Just get real with me...

...not macho nor debonair nor suave nor smooth, no play of pride here...just real!

Express yourself as REAL as you can to your loved one. Don't let your loved one guess as to how you feel. There's the danger in the guessing game. You see, your loved one might get the wrong message, your loved one might mis-read you, your loved one might misunderstand you, or worse, your loved one might not ever know how you really feel...what good is that? After all your loved one is your treasure. Your loved one is everything.

You can achieve magical and wonderful outcome with your loved one, if one just swallows one's pride, if one just gets REAL, not macho nor debonair nor suave nor smooth, just real. No pride. No games.

When you simply get real, your loved one can feel you. You will come across so attractive, you will come across adorable, you will come across genuine, no matter how clumsy you might think you are.

So do remember...It is better to lose your pride with someone you love. It is better to get real with someone you love and adore, then your life will be filled with magic. You will win multifold.



Aah...I do know some very special people who are wonderfully REAL. I feel blessed, especially, when we connect so well, even soul to soul.

Luv ya.


www.istockphoto.com








sophia72omar.blogspot.com

On 'Joy and Sorrow'

“He who has not looked on Sorrow will never see Joy.”

Kahlil Gibran .

In my quiet moments I do wonder and asked myself how do we know what is joy? What is happiness?

What Kahlil said has depth, great depth indeed. Kahlil was a person, a poet, a philosopher, who was greatly challenged since young and I’d say throughout his life. He went through intense and immense challenges and therefore I would say he has some authority with the very subject on 'joy and sorrow'.

I find what he said is so true.

I would go as far as saying, a person is as deep as how much he has been challenged.

To me the varied challenges that we go through in our lives, elevates the mind in various ways. It makes you think about life deeper. It makes you stop in your tracks and wonder and think and philosophise and internalise! It makes you go out of yourself and back in and out, until you find your answers.

To me, if we never knew sorrow, we would not have the ability to recognize joy to its full potential. How much sorrow we have gone through in our lives will be how much joy we will be able to understand and thus appreciate, as there is the comparison, the actual experience. If we had only lived with joy, life would be numbing. Life would be described as shallow, empty, hollow, even. There’s even the danger, we would lose interest, as the 'spirit' is not fed with variations, not fed with changes, not fed with depth, to go the distance.

You see the ONE above knows best.

HE gives us the gift of challenges. HE gives only what HE knows we can shoulder. No more, no less.

The wise ones from amongst us will see challenges from HIM as gifts on earth. They would receive any challenge with affirmations of ‘Praise be to Allah’.

Long ago, I never understood that. I thought these wise people must be 'bonkers'. Why in heaven's name one would be thankful?

The first thing I'd do, when I do get challenged, I would make that long distance call between heaven and earth and I would argue and have a long dialogue with HIM as to, ‘Why me?’

Then as years passed by and many challenges later, I found out it was not only me. It was the whole 6 billion of us. Yes, I found out HE has the capacity to create 6 billion of us and managed to challenge the whole 6 billion of us in varied ways beyond our comprehension, and not as punishments, BUT as gifts.

Gifts of great joy at the end of it, through sorrow, only if we wanted to see it that way. Only if we accepted it that way.

That realization was humbling.

Only through the sorrow of knowing great pangs of hunger, makes a person appreciates food with joy, no matter how little.

Only through the sorrow of knowing great thirst, makes a person appreciates water with joy, no matter how little.

Only through the sorrow of losing health, and getting it back, makes a person appreciates his/her health, and lives life to the full with joy.

Only through the sorrow of losing the love of your life and meeting him/her again gives one extreme joy and makes one appreciates the ability to love and be loved, multifold.


It is true, ‘He who has not looked on sorrow will never see joy’.

Sudirman, we miss you!

What do you think of our latest up-to-the-minute home grown idols, divas, superstars, what have you? We are constantly reminded of them. Their images are thrown to us via varied tabloids and televised at us hours end on end, daily. Every which way I looked, I see them, to the point of nightmares, screaming frightening nightmares.

Boy! I must be bonkers.

People getting dreams of their idols and divas don’t want to be awakened…ha ha ha.

You see, I don’t understand the hype of it all, over these new idols and divas. Ok lah, the lady divas, I give it to them, a teensy weensy bit (I must be quite a sour grape...ha ha ha), some of them have voice, some of them have talent, some of them could be said to be pretty but what about their talent up there, as in the brains?

Some male idols, a-d-u-u-uh! Sorry lah, I can’t seem to give many positive points, or many positive attributes. You are kind of ordinary mates (I mean, let me qualify myself, with regards to the hype over them), I mean when I found out who some of these famed idols were, they did not sort of tie in, with all the furore that has been accorded to them. All the hype! Some of them, aren’t that outstanding in the vocal department, nor looks department (ok lah, maybe some of them, their looks s-o s-o lah), nor personality department. So what the heck? Please someone, please stand up, and explain to me this crazy phenomenon over some particular idols and divas.

Where are the entertainers in the mould of the late Sudirman, who himself was trained in law. Where are the second echelon of the likes of Khatijah Ibrahim, Noor kumalasari, Salamiah Hassan, Zain Azman? Of course these entertainers are still around, and when we do see them perform, they are of a different class altogether.

These entertainers are so exposed and sophisticated that they can perform anywhere in this world quite confidently.

All the names I mentioned above, though by no means an exhaustive list, they are highly educated, utterly suave, out-of-charts talented, terribly ahead of their time always, supremely interesting, and maybe a few more superlatives you wanna add.

They have high communication skills. They speak both Bahasa and English with sophistication. So they can communicate well anywhere.

To have good communication skills, is quite key, to success. Everything has to do with communication. In the corporate world, in the business arena, in the political field, even in love matters between 2 people, it has all to do with communication. One negotiates, one argues, one presents, one pleads, one laments, one pour out affections. Can we see the importance of communication? These ones I mentioned above, have it.

They are well exposed. Therefore this exposure gives them that sense of confidence that exudes a certain attractive aura about them. Just hear them say, ‘Hey, how are you?’, yes, even that sounds like music. It’s just not about merely saying things, it has to do with the way you say it too. The ‘inside out’ thingy. People don’t say 'you have charisma' for nothing. They say it, because you deserve it. You have what it takes. Yeah, the ‘inside out’ factor.

This ‘inside out’ thingy is all about knowledge. What is it that you know? How much do you know? The more you know, the more savvy you are, the more attractive you become. You have that sense of presence then.

Ok maybe our current young idols and divas, are ultra sexy. Yeah, perhaps, I overlooked in that department maybe...hmm.

Wait a minute! Haven’t you heard, there are even great surveys done on our sexiness? What is sexy? How is a person sexy? ...and on and on. They say to be outrageously sexy, contrary to believe, SIZE DOES MATTER. Did I hear some one just gasped? Yeah! You should? Ha ha ha. It seems size does matter (I would like to repeat for some DRAMA). Size of...BRAIN matters!! Gotcha.

Yeah! Looks alone is not enough. Hey, after all, the spirit, the soul needs to be fed too. They need sexy soul too...and that is intelligence!

The more intelligent one is, the sexier one can be. Intelligence seduces the soul.

I don’t want to sound mean (but I guess I do!). I feel our current young entertainers, are handicapped to my mind. They are handicapped, especially when they are in this highly exposed business of entertainment. You need quick wit to answer impromptu questions from reporters, inquisitive fans and such. You need intelligence to answer off the cuff and yet make audience laugh and be entertained.

But boy, it does not make sense to me, how some of these idols and divas, embracing little charisma are sure lucky to make it this BIG here. ABSURDLY PHENOMENALLY BIG (for my comprehension at least)!!!

Well in a nutshell, entertainers in our country, in general today, are not highly exposed, and so are the hardcore fans, themselves.

But YOU and ME, we are starved of good wholesome local entertainers in the mould of the late Sudirman. Oh I am going all frustrated and soppy now. Excuse me, I need some tissues.


What do you think?



Note: I have edited this entry, to the new title.
Illustration:www.pnm.my

Just Be HAPPY

Today I'm not talking movies.

They say change is good.

So let's talk on something else today.

Many years ago, I attended a course. It was an NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) course. Yeah, power of the mind thingy. It was a good course, but that's not the reason why I'm writing. I write as I was amazed with a lady I met at the course. A lady who I must say, who almost has everything, except one most important thing. Although to me, she should have it. And this is what I'm going on about...that one most important ingredient in life.

I need a new paragraph to talk about her.

You see, she came driven that day to the course. Well, not to be outdone (not that I knew her before the course and did not mean or had any intention to out do anyone, it' s just that if I needed to go anywhere, I'm driven too), yeah, I came driven too in my...it's ok, in whatever (if I said it, you'd accuse me of bragging (even if it was true anyhow))...ha ha ha. Anyway, she certainly, certainly had more than me, I swear (I sound like a bitch, don't I? mmm...), in many other areas as compared to me. Well, she has 25 years more than me to start off with. I was in my very early 30s then. 25 years more is quite plenty more, I'd say. On top of that she has a title, which is higher than a Datinship. Whoa. Hmm...She probably has a bigger bank balance, far far bigger, I can sshmmell it. Honest.

Well, how was she? How did she strike me as a person? Hmm...ok. I would say, she's sort of o-o-o-k. S--o s--o. As I did not detect any sense of presence or affability. Just s--o s--o.

Why am I going on like this? I am going on like this because at the age of 55 (or there off, give and take), this lady with big title, this lady with big house, this lady with a fleet of big cars, this lady with a big bank account, this lady who travels first class, this lady had the gall to ask our course coordinator this amazing question. Brace yourself!!

She asked...

'Can you tell me how to be HAPPY.'

'How to be HAPPY????????'

How could she ask that freaking question.

With all that has been bestowed on her, all those that I have listed above, and she asked, 'How to be HAPPY?' Crikey. For the life of me! Give me all that she had. I'll show her how to be HAPPY.

I have less than her and I have already decided to be happy. I went to the course s-o-o happy to be able to acquire a new skill. I was s-o-o happy that some new horizon will open up for me with this new skill. I was s-o-o happy perhaps to meet and make new friends. I was s-o-o happy to be able to be doing something new. I was s-o-o happy to think that I will not have dementia when I'm older as I am always acquiring new skills.

There you are.

Happiness is thankfulness.

Happiness is a decision.

It is as simple as that.

Just be HAPPY.

Ibu Mertua Ku (My Mother-in-Law)

I must say, Mak Dara was actress extraodinaire!

Mak Dara was so impressive! She was so natural in 'Ibu Mertuaku' (my Mother-n-Law, M-I-L) (1962), and I almost dare say it was Mak Dara who made the movie t-h-a-a-t great. Ha ha ha! (of course coupled with P Ramlee's excellent directing, Sarimah's ethereal beauty, the controversial story-line and more). Yes the all time favourite of all P Ramlee's movies.

I would be so shocked if there was any adult in Malaysia that did not know, 'Ibu mertuaku'. That would be p-r-e-p-o-s-t-e-r-o-u-s! Ha ha ha! How could anyone? That is the testimony as to how successful this P.Ramlee's movie has been. In this region at least.

This movie all of us know, is about a tragic ill-fated marriage between a talented but struggling musician (Kassim Selamat-P Ramlee) with an heiress (Sabariah Mansor-Sarimah). Sabariah's mother (Mak Dara-the most famous of M-I-Ls ever, in this corner, being twisted and skewd with oh-so-rigid societal norms and expectations) was totally against her daughter marrying Kassim, a man of no great means and especially that he was just a mere musician (P-E-M-U-S-I-K) at that.

We are a non-pluralistic society. We suffer from tunnel vision. In our society we have the saying, 'Biar mati anak, jangan mati adat'. (Better your children die than your traditions). Our culture is very 'shame-driven' to an extent we lose sight of things. This mentality is of course very thick with M-I-L (Mak Dara), she found it more comforting to disown Sabariah, then to work round things and come to terms with situation.

I really don't have to narrate the story, as people can narrate the sequence of events of this movie even backwards.

The obsession of societal shame, drove M-I-L to resort to that false telegram. By that token, M-I-L, allowed Sabariah to re-marry without even being divorced by Kassim! But Sabariah was not at fault, nor anyone else, but status conscious M-I-L.

No wonder, Kassim said what he said to M-I-L, when he found out Sabariah was still alive, when he realised the grave that was meant for Sabariah was false, 'Kau bagaikan haiwan', (you are an animal) however the exact quote has escaped me right now, apologies.

We, as a society, adopts the 'herd's mentality'. We worry more about...'Apa orang cakap nanti' (what the others would say)... rather than about doing the right thing, regardless of societal norms (personally I do not subscribe to this attitude one iota, but that is me). We are afraid of accountability. We avoid standing up as an individual but let me qualify myself, as there are exceptions, but sadly, they are so few and far between.

But...such is life! So sad.

I shall leave you with this out-of-this-world heart rending song from the movie:

(maybe you can google and download, as the melody is awesome).


Dimana Kan Ku Cari Ganti


Hendak ku nangis
Tiada berair mata
Hendak ku senyum
Tiada siapa nak teman
Kalaulah nasib
Sudah tersurat
Begini hebat
Apa nak buat
.
Di mana kan ku cari ganti
Serupa denganmu
Tak sanggup ku berpisah
Dan berhati patah
Hidup gelisah
.
Alangkah pedih rasa hati
Selama kau pergi
Tinggalku sendirian
Tiada berteman
Dalam kesepian
.
Dunia terang menjadi gelita
Cahaya indah tiada berguna
Keluhan hatiku
Menambah derita
Tetap kau jua
Tak kunjung jelma
.
Dimana kan ku cari ganti
Mungkinkah di syurga
Untuk kawan berduka
Menangis bersama
Selama-lama

.
Song by P Ramlee
Lyrics by S Sudarmaji




Illustration: www.geocities.com

Ingrid Bergman

Aaah...Casablanca.

The movie that made me cry buckets. Doubt I can write anything now. Warm tears are rolling down my cheeks now thinking of cynical, disillusioned, embittered, self-centered, and an exiled loner, Richard "Rick" Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) (even with all those negative adjectives, I still adore Rick in that movie). I'll write another time. For now enjoy an illustration of Ilsa Lund (Ingrid Bergman), a movie star who's looks are to die for. She has the most beautiful smile on her. I love this picture of her.

To me she's the most beautiful woman ever.

'Here's looking at you kid'





Illustration: shop.meinberlin.de

It Has to be Genuine

'I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love.'

Henry Ward Beecher

This is so true, and as Pearl Bailey said, 'Love is The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.'

But love is only worth it when it is genuine and we will know it. As Melanie Griffith, Milk Money, puts it cutely,

'There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.'

But before you fall, remember what Albert Einstein said, 'Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.' Ha ha ha.

Well, those of you who have seen 'As good as it gets', will remember this scene. To me, I go for a person who is genuine. Nevermind if he is clumsy. Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson), in this movie, is outrageously clumsy, but he is genuine.

Here's a scene of Melvin Udall sharing some affection with his love interest, Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt). If you have not watched the movie, do make an effort. This movie holds varied life's lessons, for me, especially on forgiveness and being accommodating to faults. When one can be very forgiving and accommodating, life is beautiful!

Here you go:


Helen Hunt (Carol Connelly): Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.

Jack Nicholson (Melvin Udall): I've got a really great compliment for you, and its true.

Helen Hunt (Carol Connelly): I'm so afraid you're about to say something awful.

Jack Nicholson (Melvin Udall): Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Anyway, here goes: I've got this, what, ailment. Now, my doctor, this shrink I used to go to all the time, says that in fifty to sixty percent of cases, a pill really helps. I HATE pills, hate them. I'm using the word "hate" about pills. Anyway, my compliment to you is the night after you came over and said that you would never . . . well, you were there, you know what you said. Anyway, the very next morning, I started taking the pills.

Helen Hunt (Carol): I don't quite get how that's a compliment for me.

Jack Nicholson (Melvin): You make me want to be a better man.

Helen Hunt (Carol): That's maybe the best compliment of my life.

Jack Nicholson (Melvin): Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.